Guess I got a case of the "poor me's"

msgwenn

msgwenn

Active member
Guess I got a case of the "poor me's"

Since reading most of the post, I feel like I may be able to "vent" here.

Hubby and I have been married 26 years, raised 4 kids, been through hell together. Hubby is retired Marine Corps. I have traveled.... followed him every where they sent him. In the mean time I have raised 4 kids, oldest is 25 and youngest is 18. All are out of the house EXCEPT my 25 year old. She and her ex had 2 children. At this time..... since Nov. 2006 they have been living with me and hubby. I had a job which I truly loved but had to quit to take care of the GC's since she couldn't find anyone else around here. We live in a rural area.
My daughter works as a waitress and only 6 hours a day. I will tell you that waitressing is NOT an easy job ( been there.. done that) and most people don't tip like they should. ( I know that some of you that read this will understand). BUT.... she will not contribute to the bills in this house even though the children's father pays (court ordered and taken out of his check) for child support. Hubby and I pay all the bills, most of the food and take care of the kids 24/6 since she has one day off per week.

I guess what is really pis**ng me off is that the father doesn't understand what he is doing to these two kids!!!! They ask me every day "when is Daddy coming?". What do I tell them!!!!! He does have a drug problem which REALLY bothers me but when he does come and get them he takes them his parent's house and the kids really don't see him at all! For those of you that are wondering if I would let my GC's get in a car with someone that is "stoned" the answer is NO! That is why I have them most of the time.

As some of you know, I won a trip to NYC that will take place in Oct. I am really thinking about not going since I don't know if the GC will be taken care of! "Grandpa" works full-time as a construction worker, (NO, EX MILITARY DON'T GET S**T! )

Oh Wow that felt really good to get that out of my system. I don't have many friends except for one since I have PD (panic disorder) and rarely leave the house. LOL! I am going to NYC but I will be highly medicated!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to all of you that read this....... Just knowing that you care means a a lot.
 
Re: Guess I got a case of the "poor me's"

wow!! I can totally sense your frustration. Take your trip. you need time for yourself too. Your daughter should be giving ya something. I know its not really about the money. Couldnt she give ya 50 bucks a week or something. I know waitresses dont make much. I had a thread about tippers not to long ago. As for the father. I know the kids want to see him and be around him. they dont understand the damage that can be done. My parents were alcoholics and big time drug abusers and im telling ya it makes kids a mess. It might sound harsh but in the long run they would be better off without him. Unless of course he gets it together and starts to be a real father. Until then just tell em you know your dad wishes he could be here but he is very busy and loves you. I know its hard when you see them upset. I hope things get better for you and your family. Seeing a parent not doing the right thing by their kids ticks me off. I mean what else you got in your life thats more important.
 
Re: Guess I got a case of the "poor me's"

Im sorry your having to deal with all of that. I know this inst what you want to hear. But maybe you should count your blessings. At least the mom is around. And your not having to raise them. There are alot of grandparents, that are having to raise there grandkids. Because thier kids are in jail, or on drugs or something.

I hope it works out. And she is able to get "back on her feet soon". She is lucky to have loving parents like you too.
 
Re: Guess I got a case of the "poor me's"

I can understand you want what is best for your grandchildren. My sister is doing the same just about it for her grandchildren. The only difference is her daughter and her husband are together but they never stay put in one place long. Long enough for the first months rent due and then they are moving again. The 2 grandchildren have no place to call home and they don't want to go anywhere with their parents because they feel that my sisters home is home and they feel safe.

My sister is so stressed out to the max it's unreal and needs a break so bad and it sounds like you need one also but your worried about the grandchildren just like she worries about hers.

I hope things will work out for you and you get to take your trip because you sound like you really need the break in your life. I know you mentioned the dad leaves them with his mom when he has them so do you think the other set of grandparents will take good care of them while you go on your trip? If so leave them in their care. I think you deserve some time to yourself.

Your a wonderful grandmother to love and provide those children with a safe environment to live. :sunny:
 
Re: Guess I got a case of the "poor me's"

:wave: msgwen, I feel you pain, been there and done that. Parents are some of the worst enablers there are. I was one myself. My son lived with me. The 2 oldest grandchildren were with me from the day they were born for 10 years. Their mother is a druggie and one of the most wicked woman I know. They only paycheck I ever got was the satisfaction that my grandkids were being loved and taken care of properly. I finally realized that I wasn't really helping my son, I met someone online, moved 3000 miles away, gave them my house that I had lived in for more than 20 years and said goodbye. My son had to take over and it really did make a man out of him. Now he is a wonderful father and takes care of his own family. Sorry, to ramble on, but if you truly want to help your daughter, make her become more responsible. Tell her you love her and the kids, remind her what you gave up to help her out and DEMAND weekly support. Then if you can, put the money back for her so she can start a new life on her own. Until you start demanding some financial support you will keep enabling her to be a freeloader on you and your husband.
As for the dad, sadly I am experienced with this also. Always remind the grandchildren that their father loves them, but that not everybody loves in the same way. Regardless of the actions their dad shows he still loves them and that they need to pray for him as he is not well. Pray that someday dad will be able to show them just how much he does love them and that God will give him the strength to beat his sickness.

Best of luck to you msgwen and anytime you need an ear, please don't hesitate to pm me.
 
Re: Guess I got a case of the "poor me's"

you all have posted some real great issues that are very common, and I like reading them, also the advise is great.Nothing beats the experience of others that have been there,which alows for some great thought. :)
 
Re: Guess I got a case of the "poor me's"

I had my mom and her boyfriend move in early this year, for a few months! :error: They're still here. The only thing I can suggest is just come out and tell your daughter she must pay you a certain amount each week for room and board. Then, if you can, you can set some aside to help her when she moves out. Also, give her a deadline as to when she needs to be on her feet. Seriously, if she is only working 6 hours a day, she can either help with the kids more or get a second job.

Why don't you talk to the grand kids other grandparents and work out a co-child care situation. You seem comfortable when they have the kids. This may help you take your trip to NYC. I don't think you need to cancel your trip. That would not be fair to you.

Trust me, start setting some limits and lay out a flat rent. That way, there will be no hard feelings and everyone is on the same page. It's great advice from my most respected friend. It worked for me! :headbang:

No matter what, good luck and enjoy the time you get to spend with the grandchildren.

We are here for you if you need to vent some more. Some of us really do understand with some first hand experience!
 
Re: Guess I got a case of the "poor me's"

Want to thank all of you for the great advice and support. Not really getting anywhere talking to her. I did find out that as far as the other grandparents are concerned...... they don't want the kids there. That is one of the reasons why the dad hasn't been showing up. All I can say is to H*** with all of them!!! I love these kids and since it looks like I am the only one they can depend on I will just find the strenght to do all I can! Thanks again!!!!

Hugs to you all!
 
Re: Guess I got a case of the "poor me's"

They dont want the kids there? What kind of grandparents are they!!! I know it makes it so much harder on you but I the only thing you can do is keep them away from the sorry excuse for grandparents. It would be awful if they were to say something hurtful to the kids. I applaud what you are doing. I was raised by my grandparents from age 6 on. They legally adopted me when I was 9. I thank god they did. I doubt I would be alive today if not for them. Keep doing what you are doing. You are a rare person.
 
Re: Guess I got a case of the "poor me's"

I'm so sorry but don't give up something might work out eventually where you will be able to go.

My mom and dad I loved them to death but they refused to watch their grandchildren. They loved them but they would not watch them if you were just going out or going somewhere. The only time they would watch them was if something happened like being rushed to the hospital or something major like that. But to just watch them while you were away or something was a no go with them. They said they had raised their children and we as parents were to raise our own.

Now my in-laws were right the opposite they had them every weekend and any time in between they could get them.
 
Re: Guess I got a case of the "poor me's"

a lot of this stems from how they were taught or learned growing up, and sometimes there are other underlying things that one is not aware of.Example would be, if you had kids out of wed lock they may have a hard time accepting this action and feel that there is something wrong.People are people and we all have are hang-ups some most people over look and others make you stand out.
 
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