At my witts end

[blord7777]

I love my daughter with all my heart, BUT.....
She is 19 almost 20, still lives with us, not a problem. She works part time and has a great job, and goes to school 2 mornings a week, her job demands it. Her job will become full time after her schooling and she will be in a county position with great possibilities.
The problem: her boyfriend.
I realize that eventually I have to let go of her and I can deal with that but I am not about to give up without a fight on this one and sadly, I'm losing. I swear he has her brainwashed. He is a year younger than her, just got a steady job, just (today) rented an apartment and wants to marry her. Together they make about the same as my husband and I , the only problem is, my husband and I have sacraficed alot and we really don't do anything, we cant afford to. After all the bills are paid and gas is bought we are lucky if we can afford a Coke Sweepstakes. We only have 1 vehicle, I am an at home mom (read my other post under support on how last year went) so we share the truck. Not a big dead to me but here is my problem with him and I guess her.
They want to move out, get married and still live like they have no bills. I cannot help them if the get in a jam, not because I dont want to but because I dont have it.Also, he has a temper and it scares me. She seems not to care but I am her mother and I see it and think "how stupid are you not to see it". Of course my hubby would hurt him if he lays a hand on her but it could be too late by then. Also, neither one of them can do anything by themselves, they are helpless and it seems to be by choice. She was never like this before him.
Nobody in the family is fond of him but they tolerate him for her, we have tried talking to her but she doesnt listen. I could go on but I am afraid i will start crying again. Thanks for listening

I will post more as the saga unfolds about him and his apartment, we asked her not to move out till school is finished, not for us but for her future. I hope she listens.

 

[tiffandrock]

I'm sorry. Theres not much you can do when they are that age. Maybe you should talk to my mom. lol.

I was 18, All I wanted in life was to get pregnant, have a baby. Didn't really care to get married. WEll to make a long story short. I met a guy (my husband). The only thing good going for him, was that he was a christian, and fell head over heals in love with me. Other then that, No job, no money, etc. My parents were beyond scared. They told me either straighten up, live by our rules, or you gotta live somewhere else. I picked the fun life (or at least I thought it was fun). I moved out, moved in with Rockys parents. We played "house" for a couple weeks. Thought it was fun. WEnt out all night, etc. Well I got pregnant. We decided to get married. Well after a couple more weeks of Rocky wanting to stay out all night, me pregnant, and wanting my parents. I decided to leave, and go back and live with my parents. Well Rockys family is kind of psyco. They made a huge deal over it all. And threatened me. To make a long story short, I moved back into my parents house, and Rocky came with me.
We got married, etc etc. 5 years later, here we are. Life has had its ups and downs. Sometimes I'm at my breaking point. But I always turn to God, and things get better. Especially with divorce rates, etc. Its hard for young couples to make it.

My advice, always be there for her. And if she ever says, "hey mom you know I don't think I should marry him." Then listen to her. Because sometimes I think I was forced into the marriage. I know it all worked out for the best. But there was times, when I really had my doubts. :scratch: lol ok i am rambling now. Well keep us updated.
Sometimes I think parents just want to lock thier kids up from the ages 15-20. lol

 

[3mnkids1]

unfortunately the more you try to get her away from him the harder she will fight to stay with him. All you can do is be there for her. Sometimes they have to see for themselves. She is going to have to make her own mistakes. I would have hubby have a nice long talk with this guy though. :laughing: If you just take a step back and dont say anything negative about him she just might see it for herself. Right now all she thinks is you just dont want to let her go. so anything you say goes in one ear and out the other. I really hope things get better for you and your daughter.

 

[pmeek]

Sometimes being a mom isn't any fun. I feel your pain. Young people are always in such a hurry. If they only knew. I personally think they should outlaw anyone under age 25 from getting married. People just change and grow so much until then. First you need to be there for your daughter even if she decides to leave. Secondly, convince her that now or anytime in the near future is NOT the time to start a family. Ask her to truthfully tell you that she has never been afraid of this man. If she can't say that this man is the man she would be happy to have as her own father, then why would she do that to a child. A father is forever and you can't change that. Convince her to stay with you for as long as possible as a test to see if this man can support himself without her. In the meantime, she can be saving her own money. NEVER offer to help them out financially unless there is a true hardship not caused by their own overspending. They will never learn to handle their own affairs if mom and dad are always there to help. So many young people today want it all right now. They think that they should have today what their parents have worked a lifetime for and end up getting so far in debt that they can never get out.
Buy lots of kleenex, you are going to need them!