inthesticks
New member
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Dec. 14, 2002
My Dearest Peter,
The cute little partridge arrived a little while ago, and the pear tree sapling came a little while later.
I'm not sure of the connection, but I love them.
Love always,
Dori
- - - - - - -
DEC 15, 1995
Dearest Peter,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your thoughtful gift. They are adorable.
All my love,
Dori
- - - - - - -
Dec. 16, 1995
Dearest Peter,
Aren't you the extravagant one. Now, I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three
French hens. They are just darling, but I must insist, you are too kind.
Love,
Dori
- - - - - - -
DEC 17, 1995
Dearest Peter,
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are quite beautiful, but don't you
think enough is enough? You are being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Dori
- - - - - - -
Dec. 18, 1995
Dearest Peter,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings -- one for each finger. You are just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Dori
- - - - - - -
Dec. 19, 1995
Dear Peter:
When I opened the door, there were actually six geese-a-laying on my front step. So your back to the birds again, huh? These geese are huge! Where will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't get any sleep through all the racket. Please stop.
Cordially,
Dori
- - - - - - -
DEC 20, 1995
Pete,
What is it with you and those dancing birds? Seven swans-a-swimming. What kind of goddamned joke is this? There is bird mess all over my house, and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny, so stop with those dancing birds.
Sincerely,
Dori
- - - - - - -
Dec. 21, 1995
O.K. Buster,
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids-a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids-a-milking, but they brought along their goddamned cows. There is mess all over my lawn, and I can't move around in my own house.
Just lay off me,
Dori
- - - - - - -
Dec. 22, 1995
Hey grump,
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing, and cripes do they play! They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours,
Dori
- - - - - - -
Dec. 23, 1995
You Rotten Prick,
Now there are ten ladies dancing. I don't know why they call these sluts ladies. They've been screwing those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of mess. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm sicking the police on you.
One who means it!
- - - - - - -
Dec. 24, 1995
Listen Duckhead,
What's with the eleven lords-a-leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and are committing sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied you rotten bastard.
Your sworn enemy,
- - - - - - -
Dec. 26, 1995
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers drumming, which you have seen fit to
inflict upon our client, Miss Dori Drawers. The destruction, of course, was total. All further
correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss Drawers at the Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find a warrant for your arrest.
Dec. 14, 2002
My Dearest Peter,
The cute little partridge arrived a little while ago, and the pear tree sapling came a little while later.
I'm not sure of the connection, but I love them.
Love always,
Dori
- - - - - - -
DEC 15, 1995
Dearest Peter,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your thoughtful gift. They are adorable.
All my love,
Dori
- - - - - - -
Dec. 16, 1995
Dearest Peter,
Aren't you the extravagant one. Now, I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three
French hens. They are just darling, but I must insist, you are too kind.
Love,
Dori
- - - - - - -
DEC 17, 1995
Dearest Peter,
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are quite beautiful, but don't you
think enough is enough? You are being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Dori
- - - - - - -
Dec. 18, 1995
Dearest Peter,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings -- one for each finger. You are just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Dori
- - - - - - -
Dec. 19, 1995
Dear Peter:
When I opened the door, there were actually six geese-a-laying on my front step. So your back to the birds again, huh? These geese are huge! Where will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't get any sleep through all the racket. Please stop.
Cordially,
Dori
- - - - - - -
DEC 20, 1995
Pete,
What is it with you and those dancing birds? Seven swans-a-swimming. What kind of goddamned joke is this? There is bird mess all over my house, and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny, so stop with those dancing birds.
Sincerely,
Dori
- - - - - - -
Dec. 21, 1995
O.K. Buster,
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight maids-a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids-a-milking, but they brought along their goddamned cows. There is mess all over my lawn, and I can't move around in my own house.
Just lay off me,
Dori
- - - - - - -
Dec. 22, 1995
Hey grump,
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing, and cripes do they play! They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours,
Dori
- - - - - - -
Dec. 23, 1995
You Rotten Prick,
Now there are ten ladies dancing. I don't know why they call these sluts ladies. They've been screwing those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of mess. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm sicking the police on you.
One who means it!
- - - - - - -
Dec. 24, 1995
Listen Duckhead,
What's with the eleven lords-a-leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and are committing sodomy with the cows. All 23 of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied you rotten bastard.
Your sworn enemy,
- - - - - - -
Dec. 26, 1995
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve drummers drumming, which you have seen fit to
inflict upon our client, Miss Dori Drawers. The destruction, of course, was total. All further
correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss Drawers at the Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find a warrant for your arrest.