Childrens personalities

[3mnkids1]

Do you try to steer your childs personality? Try and make them more like you? More like other kids you know? Im not talking about bad behavior but personality. Try to make the quiet child more extroverted, Make a follower more like a leader..etc. Or do you just accept them for who they are?

The reason I ask is because It seems that some people think that you should "bend them". I dont. I just got off the phone again with one of my daughters teachers and im really getting tired of it. This teacher doesnt like my daughter and has made no secret of that fact. This teacher said to my daughter today about her hair.... What is wrong with you? Do you have self esteem issues? And my daughter replied... no, im just not a conformist. This is what set this teacher off enough that she felt the need to call and tell me that my daughter has an attitude. And that kids are like trees you just have to bend them.. yeah, whatever lady. This is the second time I have heard this little analogy from this crack pot!.

Sorry but I dont see an attitude. This is not the first time this teacher has made comments to my daughter. I have spoken to the principal on several occasions and asked that she stop harassing my kid. Thats what it is in my opinion.

My daughter is who she is and I dont see the need in trying to force her to be something she is not. First it wouldnt work and would only cause a rift between us and she would resent me for years and.. I like the way she is!.

Is it sooo wrong to be who you are?

 

[oxen05]

No! I am a retired teacher and mother of 3. I have a 20, 17, & 16 year old. Every child should be encouraged to be themselves. As long as a child doesn't do anything that would actually hurt themselves, why should they be the same as every one else. Growing up is about different phases and figuring out who you are. Some of the phases my kids went through made me crazy! But I would fight for their right to be who they are. As for that teacher, I've met a few like that. Complaining to the principal usually doesn't help as they will support their teacher. The best thing to do is pay a visit to your local school district office and file a complaint. So far my kids are turning out just fine without being "made to conform" It is ok to guide them and encourage them. Ex: If we had children who were introverted we would encourage them to join in things like reading out loud or leading the group to lunch, etc.. But I always let the child decide what they were comfortable with. (guess I should say I taught mostly 4 year olds!) But the basic principal works with any age.

 

[3mnkids1]

I totally agree with you on encouraging them. I have always encouraged my kids to be who they are. Whatever makes them comfortable and happy. With my boys it hasnt been an issue since well, one is 7 so he is easy :laughing: my oldest boy is 12 and looks and acts like most boys his age. He certainly doesnt stand out. Which is what he wants.


My daughter on the other hand has always been "different". It has been a battle since she was little with people like my inlaws and teachers. I just want to scream sometimes. My MIL still to this day will buy my daughter pink stuff for her bday and xmas. Why? I have told her over and over she is wasting her money but she continues to do it. When My daughter was 6 and wanted camo bedding I got it for her. my MIL had a fit. ugh! Its like they want to knock her ya know. Make her feel like there is something wrong with her when there isnt.

I think I am a pretty rational person (sometimes) but when someone messes with one of my kids im telling ya.. it takes everything I have to not just go off half cocked. :laughing:

I think I will be making a complaint. Like I said this is not the first time I have had a problem with this teacher being a ... ya know.. oh I just remembered another one. My daughter was showing this teacher her work and the teacher said.. yeah, thats good.. oh, im being facetious. I guess she didnt think my daughter knew that word. She was wrong.

taking deep breaths. the more I think about all the stuff this teacher has said to my daughter the madder im getting.

 

[oxen05]

I know it works different in each state, but it should be similar. Here the principal usually sides with a teacher because they cannot have too many problems or else the school rating goes down. If they evaluate teachers badly, the rating goes down, so they don't like to file complaints. If you go straight to the district and file a complaint, they have to take action against the teacher. A certain amount of marks against a teacher will get them dismissed. And you have the right to remove your child to another class if you have a problem with the teacher. I've noticed more and more that teachers are only there to get a paycheck and could care less about the children. I've had several problems with teachers, but mostly at the high school. Fortunately I knew the system. I even went to work at the high school once just to keep an eye on a teacher and eventually she was dismissed for the way she treated students. My daughter was 16 before we were able to get her in a dress, and I guess we were lucky it wasn't camo! :laughing: I am overprotective of my kids so I know how that goes, but she will be fine! I miss teaching, this having to retire early is for the birds!

 

[hollyjollyberry]

You are absolutely right, 3mnkids1. Children are people, it is our job as parents to guide and teach them to be happy, well-adjusted, productive members of society... NOT try to turn them into little robots. She wants you to bend your daughter like a tree? Kinda sounds like she is the one who is "bent".

I've noticed more and more that teachers are only there to get a paycheck and could care less about the children. I've had several problems with teachers, but mostly at the high school.

I have been pretty lucky with most of my daughter's teachers thus far. But to illustrate oxen's point: My daughter's 3rd grade teacher told me at our parent-teacher conference that she believed my daughter had signs of ADHD. I was concerned and, quite frankly, baffled. She has never displayed signs of it at home and she is generally better behaved with other people than she is with me and her Dad. Come to find out, this "teacher" told EVERY parent the same thing. Why go into a profession dealing with young children if you cannot stomach them? We (the parents) all signed a letter of complaint and the teacher ended up having the letter placed in her file, but no disciplinary action was taken. Hopefully it taught HER something!

Hang in there, at least the school year is more than half over!

 

[tharedhead]

But to illustrate oxen's point: My daughter's 3rd grade teacher told me at our parent-teacher conference that she believed my daughter had signs of ADHD. I was concerned and, quite frankly, baffled.

Did this teacher refer you (and the other parents) to a specific medical person for evaluation?:scratch: If so, the individual kick back per child to the teacher can be as much as $250. If there was a specific medical referral made, you may wish to also contact the state licensing board for that professional as well...this sort of thing has been a problem in several school systems (teacher tells parents kid has issues, tells them where to go for "help", pockets "finders fee")
A whole classroom full of kids would be a lot of money at $250 a head...

 

[lidarkside]

But to illustrate oxen's point: My daughter's 3rd grade teacher told me at our parent-teacher conference that she believed my daughter had signs of ADHD. I was concerned and, quite frankly, baffled.

Did this teacher refer you (and the other parents) to a specific medical person for evaluation?:scratch: If so, the individual kick back per child to the teacher can be as much as $250. If there was a specific medical referral made, you may wish to also contact the state licensing board for that professional as well...this sort of thing has been a problem in several school systems (teacher tells parents kid has issues, tells them where to go for "help", pockets "finders fee")
A whole classroom full of kids would be a lot of money at $250 a head...

Yep, the school gets good government kickbacks for every child they label ADHD. This is also how they bring in Medicaid through the back door. Just about every hyper kid gets labelled ADHD these days, simply because they can't focus to be successfully mentally conditioned (brainwashed) like the other children.

 

[hollyjollyberry]

But to illustrate oxen's point: My daughter's 3rd grade teacher told me at our parent-teacher conference that she believed my daughter had signs of ADHD. I was concerned and, quite frankly, baffled.

Did this teacher refer you (and the other parents) to a specific medical person for evaluation?:scratch: If so, the individual kick back per child to the teacher can be as much as $250. If there was a specific medical referral made, you may wish to also contact the state licensing board for that professional as well...this sort of thing has been a problem in several school systems (teacher tells parents kid has issues, tells them where to go for "help", pockets "finders fee")
A whole classroom full of kids would be a lot of money at $250 a head...

No, I don't think that she did (refer us, that is). Maybe some of the other parents, but I don't remember her mentioning it to us.

I didn't know about the kick-back thing... Holy Guacamole, that's just wrong!

 

[oxen05]

School systems do a lot of things to get that quote "extra funding". I felt like the principals were more like politicians than educators. If teachers weren't trying to say a child had ADHD, the parent was. Just because they didn't want to deal with them. Children are supposed to be energetic, and they don't naturally learn to concentrate, they have to be taught! I thought that was kinda the point in teaching them. My best advice is stay involved with your school and teachers, and keep up with whats going on there.